For the past few years, I’ve turned into quite the hermit. Which is a little weird for me, because in high school, I was in the band, and loved being an “officer” and loved being around people all the time. My first year at the University of Texas at Austin, I was still that outgoing girl… wanting to be friends with everyone and everybody. Then stuff happened. I got hurt by friends and by people I cared about. At that time, I didn’t know why it was happening. When I graduated, I worked as a pharmacist for 5 years and I found myself growing bitter about the state of healthcare, scared of my patients & clients (who knew what they were going to be angry about), and living a life with zero passion. So, I quit.
I’ve had a few months to decompress and try and find what makes my heart beat. (That’s been fun.) I thought I would have become a lot more outgoing and wanting to hang out with people more, but I’m finding comfort in being solitary. I mean, I hang out with my hubbs all the time, but with other people… not so much. (I even have daydreams where me and my husband purchase a microhouse in the country by a river and grow our own food.) At first it was disconcerting to me. Am I just someone who doesn’t want to be around others? How will I ever help anyone else if I don’t want to be around anyone? I want to help others.
Well, I decided it’s okay. I think there are a lot of factors that have made me the hermit that I am today. I think that I’m recovering from sad, angry customers at Walgreens who would yell at me when their copay changed. I think I’m recovering from the nurses and doctors who talked to me like I knew nothing. I think I’m recovering from finally letting myself feel all the hurt that myself and others have put on me. I think I’m recovering from my negative self talk… the voice in my head that always said I wasn’t doing enough… that I wasn’t enough. So, it makes sense. I’m just a little scared of putting myself out there again. Who will attack next? Me? Instagram stalker/haters? Blog trolls? Family?
It’s only been a few months. I’ll let myself have as much time as it takes to feel better about being myself. I’ll practice compassion. I’ll practice unconditional love. I’ll be more aware of what I’m doing: breath, thoughts, food, emotions, etc. This is where I am now. I don’t have the superpower to see the future, so, I don’t know if I’ll ever be a social butterfly again, but that’s okay. I can only act in the present moment… and this is me, today.
Progress, not perfection. I think that’s what Kimberly Snyder says… (nutritionist for the mind, body & soul)
Ingredients (all approximate measurements):
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup water
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup tahini
2 cups chickpeas (or you can use 1 can)
1 cup of steamed kale (or more if you want it kale-y)
1. Put in food processor and process until as smooth as you like it.
My inspiration for homemade hummus, because this is the first time I’ve made it: